i think i'm... dating again?
for someone who has been single for 6+ years, this is A Big Deal
something happened to me during the many cold, snowy days of winter, and i redownloaded the dating apps.
and listen, i’ve been here before. i’ve done the whole “maybe i should put myself out there, lemme just download hinge and/or bumble and see, swipe for a bit, get grossed out/discouraged/annoyed/bored, delete the apps, actually i’m fine being single forever” cycle more times than i can count.
(i KNOW the apps are gamified and not ideal etc etc etc but also it is SO HARD to meet people in the wild so we are just doing what we can here!)
maybe because i’m back in therapy, or because i’m in a better mental head space these days, or because it’s just better timing, but things felt different for me this go-around. i feel more open to actually meeting people and going on dates, more open to seeing what could develop, more open to possibilities. and! i’m also more open to dating different kinds of people, which is to say not just cisgender males!
i could/maybe should write more about THAT at some point, but i don’t see the need to put a label on things or make some big statement, when really how i feel about myself, my attraction to people, my dating life, etc is not all that different than before. y’all have been thinking i’m bi for YEARS — every SINGLE time i do a q&a box or anonymous box on my instagram, someone asks me about my sexuality! the vibes have always been there. my attraction to all kinds of people has ALWAYS been there. i just never explored dating anyone but guys!
so i never considered that i might be labeled as anything other than straight. the main thing that changed is i’m not stuck in a judgy, anti-affirming megachurch that didn’t allow/support/condone anything but heternormative relationships! DECONSTRUCTION ROCKS, baby!!! and so does realizing you don’t have to be in a queer relationship to be queer! (using queer as an umbrella term here)
it also feels important to note that i feel more sure and settled in what i want, too, which is not a marriage and lifetime commitment with somebody! i don’t see myself getting married, i don’t see myself being a parent, and i don’t see myself living with someone, which is very helpful to know about myself going into dating again.
SO, with all of that in mind, let me spill some tea.
human #1: let’s call him ben
the deets: he/him pronouns, lives about an hour away, professor, queer, and is also ENM, married, and about to be a parent
STAY WITH ME HERE!!!
